Sold!

The sign in the front yard proclaims SOLD. I will issue the standard caveat about "counting your chickens before they hatch" but it looks like all is on track to close on this house in the next couple of weeks and then close on our new home in Hendersonville the very next day. It is an exciting and exhausting time. To be honest, it is more than exhausting. It is teetering on the brink of insanity. Hopefully, I will get by with a little help from my friends!
The new family that will inhabit this home are very lucky people. I met the dad yesterday and he seems like a happy guy. (The good Lord knows how I love a happy guy!) He and his wife are the parents to two pre-schoolers. Those kids get to grow up here. What a blessing for their family.
I could spend hours telling them about the house but they will discover, on their own, the magical properties of this house and land. These children will live in a house that will make them instant rock stars in elementary school. They will have a big house and a pool and a pond and woods. Oh, the memories they will make!
Many people have asked me how I can leave here. I have responded that my work is done here. Two empty-nesters found a peace in the quietness here. Now a family will have to struggle to find a little peace and quiet. It is the circle of life.

My Most Successful Gig to Date!

I have openly stated my goals were to travel and make people laugh. I accomplished both goals earlier this week. Not to brag but in showbiz terms - I killed!
It was a small venue and the client was unclear regarding his expectation for subject material. One of the traits I believe I possess is the ability to assess people and recognize their motivation. Only a couple of times have I been incorrect so I would say I have a sixth sense when it comes to dealing with people.
This client was jovial and smiled easily but laughing - not so much. He was one tough cookie but I was determined to find the way to get what I crave most, laughter.
It was obvious my regular material was not going to fit the bill. I had to dig deep and step out of my comfort zone and slide into physical humor. From the first moment it became apparent I had hit the jackpot. In the end, the performance was completely satisfying for both me and the client.
I am ecstatic to share a few minutes from my performance in Hendersonville, Tennessee. Let me know what you think!

Let's Put That Dream in Technicolor!

Wow, what a week it has been! The prediction of the previous owner that I would find peace in this home in Rural Montgomery County has never been proved more accurate. The house has been a solace from the assault of the "real world" this week. I have been taking a few days to let that wash over me. When I have sorted it all out I will share but I'm not quite there yet.
In hindsight, this home has met every one of the dreams I imagined. It not only met but exceeded it in ways I could never have thought of. It was like God took my simplistic dreams and put them in glorious technicolor. My God has a way of doing that! Here are a few of the dreams I had for our home:



This house would be filled with laughter.
I wanted laughter from snickering to the knee-slapping-trying-to-catch-my-breath kind. I got the range and then some. I got the precious baby giggles of my great-nieces to raucous laughter of 75 Kappa Deltas to the raunchy humor of UT boys.
I got laughter from  me practicing my comedy in front of the bathroom mirror with the hairspray canister in hand (The voices in my head were hysterical for that last part, in case you were wondering.) This house has rocked with laughter.
This house would be a place for family and friends.

Frogmore Stew goes on even in the rain in the garage.

For those who made the long trek out here to the country, I hope you found some hospitality?
For several years, during the Labor Day weekend my sister, Anna, and I have hosted Frogmore Stew as a fundraiser for a scholarship in our mother's memory at Immaculate Conception School. (Formerly St. Mary's.) Caleb would invite his college buddies and for that weekend my home would be turned into boarding house with overtones of frat house. The celebration went on rain or shine. Last year, we huddled in the garage from the rain but we were there.

Brandon and Jessica say "I do".

This house would be a place for celebrations.
Oh sure, we had the birthday dinners, bridal showers and graduation parties but how many people can say they had a wedding in their backyard? I can. I can. I imagined cake and candles type celebrations but God gave me bride, groom, flower girls and bridesmaids and groomsmen!

In hindsight, every dream came to fruition. Maybe it was not exactly how I thought it would be but it was more. Bear and I have had a blessed life in this house. I am trying to claim it in the moment but I am certain, it will be revealed in His time.
I am breaking down the rooms and preparing to pack.
Soon, I will be ready to hand over the keys to a new family and let their dreams fill this awesome space. As for me and Bear? God will provide a new venue. Watch for details ....

You Will Find Peace Here

"You will find peace here"
Those words were prophetic. Bear and I moved in and began yet another chapter in our lives. We were empty nesters in a very large nest. We needed the space, literally and metaphorically.  In the quietness, I found my strength and my center again. I could feel my heart and soul knitting back together.
In the busyness, Bear found himself down in the woods, chopping down trees and clearing paths. On his John Deere mower he was often dirty and covered in grass and as happy as,well, a bear in the woods. We were mending in our own time and on our own paths.
It was in this house where I decided to make sweeping, life-changing plans. In the words borrowed from the movie Shawshank Redemption - you got to get busy living or get busy dying. I chose to get busy living. After a year of contemplation I decided to have weight-loss surgery.  It was the best decision I ever made. WLS allowed me to reclaim my health, reclaim my life and live in a way I thought was lost forever. I have never looked back and never regretted the choice I made.
It was also in this house where sweeping life-changing plans found us. A few years ago, I first noticed Bear was shuffling. After less-than-loving requests to "pick his feet up" failed and other physical symptoms appeared it was time for some answers. The answer was Early On-set Parkinson's Disease. How devastating to have spent nearly 30 years in military service as a helicopter pilot with no major incidents or accidents and then have the diagnosis of this disease.
After about five years, our dream house was turning into monument of what Bear could no longer do. I began to think as an army wife again- what is the next step?  Bear began to dig in his heels, thus setting up an emotional tug-of-war that lasted for quite a time until another sweeping life-changing force appeared on the scene in the form of one grandson.
When the baby came, for me, there was no more if it was only when.
I wanted to live in Hendersonville and Bear wanted to live in denial. At the first of the year, it was time. I announced my intentions and Bear announced his. We were not on the same page. (Major understatement). I tried to start slowly. When the Christmas tree and decorations came down I did not haul them up two flights of stairs into the walk-out storage. I packed them up and moved them to the detached garage. Then, I took all of the personal pictures off the walls. I packed up my beloved dish collections and moved them out to the garage. It was like trying to peel off a big ole band aid - a little at a time. It wasn't working.
I decided to take a deep breath and snatch it off quickly. A date to list the house to sell was set. Bear was like a five-year-old who doesn't want to go to kindergarten. This thing was going to happen.

Rev. Theophilus Ebulueme Rocks!

Last night, I was part of a celebration for one of our parish priest, Rev. Theophilus Ebulueme or Father Theo as is known to most. Fr. Theo was celebrating many special accomplishments in his life - birthday, priestly anniversary, American citizenship and his Ph.D in counseling. The school gym was packed with 300 + parishioners, well-wishers and a large contingency of Nigerians in national dress.
The music was blaring loud, the place was packed and smells of casseroles permeated the air. It was an assault on all of my senses. It was the kind of evening that jettisons you right out of your bland and boring Saturday night and into another world. The kind of evening we all need every once in a while. And a lazy Sunday morning to recuperate also helps!
I have set upon this path to be a comedian so when Fr. Theo asked me to tell a few jokes at his party how could I refuse? Let's think about this for a minute. Me, a microphone, a large gathering of people and a set I had prepared by myself. Yep, that could be a recipe for disaster.
The microphone was horrid, the acoustics worse and a lot of people seemed oblivious to any person on stage trying to get and hold their attention. But, I gave it my best shot and Fr. Theo laughed so I will claim it as a success.
The biggest success of the evening was not my comedy routine. It was a realization that hit me like a ton of bricks. The realization that I could have never imagined this particular scenario back in 1968 when I was in fourth grade at St. Mary's Parochial School. If someone had given me a crystal ball* at ten years old and I glimpsed 43 years in the future there would not be one thing I would have believed. The whole scenario could have been played out on the surface of the moon and it would not have been any more fantastic.
Nigerians in national costumes were a picture in a library book. My idea of Africa mainly came from Tarzan movies. All the priest I had ever come in contact with were old white men. (Old is subjective here from the viewpoint of a ten-year-old girl but they all were definitely white.) Finally, me on stage in front of people of all colors would have seemed impossible at best. My, how times have changed.
Last night, I felt more connected on a world-wide level than I have felt before. It was familiar and foreign. I felt enlightened and yet still repressed. I acknowledge the growth from my parent's generation yet I know there is much work to do.
Here is the bottom line: I praise God for the journey. I praise God for the experiences. I pray to be more open and accepting. I pray for peace and understanding. I pray God will allow me to grow into more than I am now and continue to surprise me with new scenarios.

*Just so we are clear - My religious beliefs do not embrace crystal balls. The Catholic Church considers it gravely wrong to consult a fortune-teller who is known to seriously claim access to the knowledge of future events. (In case you were wondering?)

I'll Take A Burning Bush, Please

I hold a firm belief that life is only truly understood in hindsight. The lessons I have learned are rarely apparent as I experienced them. Distance is how they become even more absolute and only by reflection. I came to this belief after many, many pleas to God for answers to an unanswerable question - "Why is this happening to me?"

Never once have I received the answer in what I would consider a "burning bush" fashion but rather a tiny whisper of assurance, a coincidence, a calmness in my spirit.

Now, I am a "burning bush" kind of woman. I need, crave, proof-positive answers. I need to know WHY and I need the answers NOW. God has always answered me in the same way - "You do not need to know why and not now." You would think after five decades of life I would accept this but - surprise - I still struggle.

In my last blog I mentioned we had tried to buy our dream home twice. Each time, I was certain it was the right time. Each time it did not happen. Letting go once of the dream was hard enough but the second time was torture.

The second time we looked at this house my mother was alive and we brought her with us. I wanted more than anything for her to move in with us. I wanted to be able to take care of her as her health was rapidly declining. I wanted her to be with me and for us to share the time she had left. I wanted to hear more, learn more and be more with her.

I wanted. I wanted. I wanted. I wanted.

She simply said, "no".  She rationally explained her answer and, in hindsight, she was right.

After my mother passed in August of 2003, I entered into a deep, dark tunnel in life. I felt destroyed in all ways possible - physically, mentally and spiritually. I was broken and disillusioned. It seemed insurmountable. I cried out for help. God did not answer nor even seem to care about me. He did not smite nor punish the ones who betrayed me. He did not send pest nor pestilence to avenge me. (These were my "burning bush" requests so I would KNOW he heard me.)

Instead, he sent me a house.

Opening the paper one Sunday morning after church, Bear began to point and grunt at a picture in the real estate section. I peered over his shoulder and saw THE HOUSE was for sale again. We called our realtor and by that afternoon we were sitting where once my mother and I had set. We were signing a contract to finally make this house our house. In a matter of hours our whole life was changing. In hindsight, one might call this a "burning bush" answer?

When we met with the owners, Bear and the husband went out to survey the property lines. I stayed inside with the wife. Never one for silences, I began to explain to her how my mother had been here with me before and had set on the same bar stool I now occupied. As I talked of my mother the tears began to flow. I choked out the whole sordid story of how my family had disintegrated before my very eyes and how people had abandoned me and how alone I felt without the rock of my mother in my life.

It was one of those epic and awkward situations where you find yourself pouring out your soul to a total stranger. I honestly could not pick this woman out of a line up. I have no recollection of what she looked like. All I know is what she said as she patted my arm and handed me a tissue - "you will find peace here".

"You will find peace here". And I did.

Dream A Little Dream?

Once upon a time there was a house in Rural Montgomery County. A beautiful white two-story house with lots of rooms, a massive rolling backyard, dense woods and even a pond to fish in.  A serene calmness could be found here and some might say, a little peace of heaven on earth. They would be right.

The neighbors, who live a sufficient distance away, are the very best kind of neighbors. They have no rabid children or wild dogs. The neighbors are perfectly normal people and have kept whatever drama they had in their lives well contained inside their stately brick manor with a perfectly manicured lawn. They probably cannot say the same for us but such is life!

This house belongs to Bear, me and my imagination. The three of us have been happy there. It was, after all, our dream home.

When we bought this house it was after two attempts to procure previously that fell short due to timing issues. (Timing is everything.) When the house became available again, almost eight years ago, it all fell into place, we staked our claim and settled into a new life and a new dream.

Bear loved the solitude. I loved the idea of what the house would be filled with - not solitude. My imagination began in overdrive from the moment we stepped inside our white-fence-lined property. I began to imagine scores of grandchildren arriving here and squealing in delight as they shimmied into their bathing suits to swim in the pool. I imagined them begging Grump to take them to the pond to fish. I imagined the twin girls on little step stools "helping" me make cookies at Christmas. I imagined popcorn and movie nights. I imagined a grandchildren room for sleepovers. My imagination glows with Norman Rockwell/Waltons/Leave it to Beaver characters. My imagination rocks!

None of this would unfold in the way I imagined. After all these years, I have only one grandson - not quite one year old. My "scores" of grandchildren will probably number less than the fingers on one hand. "Scores" was probably an over reach on my part to begin with. I have produced two children. Even if those two children produces two children I am still down a thumb on one hand. Math was never my strong suite.

Let me insert here a disclaimer from my previous blog. You will need this little tidbit of information for future references: My imaginings, perceptions, recollections or scenarios may or may not have anything to do with reality. Reality, in my opinion, is overrated.

A few weeks ago we put the house on the market and this week we have a contract.

It's harder to leave the dream than to leave the actual house. This has been a struggle for me on a lot of levels until I began to understand most of the events I imagined have actually happened. It has happened like life happens - not so much in my plan but in a divine plan that can only be understood in hindsight.

Stay with me as I travel down memory lane and merge into a new dream!

Tangerine is Not Slimming!

Alone, in front of my computer, I opened the file from Wednesday night's Zanies performance. You know how when you see yourself on film or hear a recording of your voice you contemplate never speaking or appearing again in public?
I was prepared for that moment. The memory from that night was hazy, at best. I kept asking Bear if I had said this thing or that thing. He kept assuring me I had said everything I had practiced.
I don't trust Bear. After many years of marital bliss he has learned a few short-cuts to curtail conversations with me. One of them is the tried and true - "you did great!" only to find out later, not so much.
This time, Bear might be right?

I feel pretty confident about my performance! I do hope you enjoy it. Again, family and friends - you rock my world and I love you for it!

Oh, What a Night!

This morning I woke up with a happiness hang-over. It was just that kind of night.  It's the kind of memory that will bring me joy until I can't remember anything anymore.
I was the last of the "graduates" to take the stage. This meant I sat through nine other graduate's sets. My outside demeanor was calm. Inside, I was a bundle of nerves. Never once, however, did I doubt my decision to be there nor the path that led me there.
I knew it was where I was supposed to be. I knew I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.
I give some credit to Oprah for these little insights.
I have XM/Sirius radio and I get the Oprah channel. On the long, boring drive from Rural Montgomery County to Hendersonville and back for the past nine months I have listened to a lot of talk radio. Yesterday, while running errands I found myself listening to Oprah describing her career path. She talked about intuitively knowing when to leave one situation to try something new. She recalled how a former boss told her a move to Chicago to do a local talk show was a horrible idea because she was no Phil Donohue and further predicted she would "die on the vine".
She said she did not want to be Phil Donohue she wanted to be herself. I think we can all know how that turned out?
So, the point is - I can only be me. Part of what makes me, well, me is my circle of friends and family. On stage, you cannot really see the wider audience because of the stage lighting. I could not see my supporters but I knew where each and everyone of them were. So many of the chairs were occupied by people there for me that the whole room felt covered in love. Being loved by these people and feeling the presence of those who could not physically be there with me made me a success before I spoke my first words.
Three minutes is a blink of an eye and an eternity. I claim those three minutes as a highlight in my life.
It was only 53 years in the making. Totally worth the wait.

I Get More Time Than the Kentucky Derby

Today is the day! If all goes well, I will be able to cross off one of my bucket list items. It's a personal "biggie" for me. I will take the stage at Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville and, with microphone in hand, attempt to make an audience laugh.
The audience is stacked in my favor. Many friends and family members have plucked down their hard-earned money for a mid-week showcase of recent graduates of Rik Robert's School of Laughs Comedy Performance class. I am one of about ten who, hopefully, will have the guts to show up and fully expose our delicate mental conditions to a room full of people with please-God-let-them-be-low expectations.
I will be on stage for only a short period of time. Time is relative, of course. I get three minutes. The Kentucky Derby is only two minutes long and people talk about that for a long time. This led me to thinking how many other important events only take the proverbial "blink of an eye".
I have attended wedding ceremonies that took less time than it did for the bride to apply her mascara. Conversely, one of the longest ceremonies produced the shortest union-roughly one week of marital bliss for each of the 72 minute ceremony.
Anyone who has attended a college graduation knows it takes a nanosecond to call out the graduate's name and to have the fake diploma pressed into their hands. Glance at your watch and you have missed it.
My blink-of-an-eye list is endless: childhood, first kiss, conception of at least one of my children and life. I will add another moment that passes too fast tonight. One consolation is this - at this point in my life I KNOW all is fleeting. I recognize that and I claim it. I have to wisdom to savor it in its brevity.
I just have to remember to breathe and not rush my three minutes in the spotlight. I should do OK. After all, I do have experience with the aforementioned conception episode and that turned out just fine.

Butterflies? I'll Take an Order to Go!

I am a big girl. I have tons of life experiences. I have survived army life, 32 years of marriage and the birthing of two ginormous babies that I raised to adulthood. You may have also heard I am a grandmother and a mother-in-law-to-be? That is a whole lot of scary stuff I have survived to this point in my life.
So, why do I have butterflies?
I am a day away from taking the stage at Zanies Comedy Club in Nashville. I am amazed how many friends and family members have signed on to support me. Therein lies the problem. Total strangers, I can handle. When the eyes staring back at me are the same people I will run into again and again and again that's a whole different story. Cue butterflies....
On the upside, I will be moving this summer. I also have options. I could delete my Facebook account. I could change my phone numbers. I could avoid the Fourth of July family reunion. I could become a recluse. I could become more dramatic!
Or I could practice, practice, practice.
I have worked on my set. In front of the bathroom mirror, in the car and wherever two or more people have gathered I have sought the "spotlight" to see how my set sounds. In a pinch, I even performed for Bear in the kitchen. He heckled me and we are currently not speaking.
To be fair, I have, on occasion, heckled his performance too. Turnabout is fair play, I guess. Wait ... that's funny. I should write that down.

My New Blog & a BIG Announcement!

It's a new year and a new beginning for me, hence the new blog. Don't worry, Dear Friends, lest you think I have abandoned the belief that everyday has the potential to be the best day yet. I have not! I am turning in another direction and decided to make a few changes. Stay with me?

At the ripe age of 53, I have decided to try my hand at something I have enjoyed as a pseudo-hobby for many years - comedian. There I said it. No turning back now. The proclamation is alive and well in cyberspace.

In November of last year, I began a series of comedy writing classes at Zanies in Nashville under the instruction of Rik Roberts. Last month, I completed the comedy performance classes. Now, it is graduation time. This means I will be on stage at Zanies. WHAT? Yes, I am going to do stand-up comedy on stage in front of people.

Check out my Facebook page to find information, if you feel so inclined to join my my stage debut. If you can't make it I will have some other opportunities to showcase my unique take on life, love and all things female. Watch for updates.http://new.evite.com/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fb_share_widget&utm_content=fb_link&utm_campaign=invite#view_invite:eid=0240MDVWTUTCHIKMAEPBSOTCT7RM7Q&gid=fb